Don't be that guy...

Of course you shouldn't be the guy with the band shirt on going to the concert, but this has nothing to do with that. Recently my son started playing soccer, the ultra elite division of 5&6 year olds that primarily consists of 6 kids on either side chasing the ball wherever it goes. There are a few six year olds who have an understanding of the purpose and can dribble the ball with a certain elegance, the rest mostly toe the ball in the direction they're facing with little regard to the goal they are attempting to score on.



Soccer at this age is not about winning and losing, it's about learning. For most this is the first competive endeavor outside of a fierce game of chutes and ladders with their families. The levels of interest vary as do the emotions of the parents. What has shocked me most are those parents.



The majority of parents and grandparents swell with pride seeing that their sons are growing up, too quickly in most cases, but they've moved on to the next stage of their lives. Seeing your son make a play is exhilirating. They don't have to score, no bicycle kick or volley from the 18 is necessary, just a few kicks in the correct direction. For me, I'm reminded of my days in youth soccer and the lessons my dad taught me. They weren't about soccer, my father knew very little about that, it was the principles of sportsmanship and selflessness. The good of the team, the right way to do things, all those things pro athletes use as cliches in soundbites that are key learning points for kids in athletics. Then there's that guy.



You know the guy, the one that is convinced his son is the next Pele. His son isn't that good, not that that's important at this point. What is important is he's not having fun. The father paces the sideline ensuring he's within shouting distance of his future blue chipper. His son wants nothing but affirmation from his dad, but today he gets corrections and demands of improvement and hopefully dominance.

I, like many dads would love my son to be the best at everything, to excel, to fill my bumper with stickers of his accomplishments. I'm also a realist. He may be good, he may be very good, but the odds of reaching professional levels in sports is unbelievably difficult. And in my opinion the determination and competiveness needs to dwell deep in their heart, not their father's. I've seen throughout my childhood and into my teen years the dads who drove their children insane, embarassing them from the sideline to the point where the game was no fun any more.

So before your child is a teenager or heading off to college and your memories of him at 5 playing soccer are more filled with shouldas and couldas, sit back and relax. Provide your advice and coaching in a healthy conversation on the way home. Let him have fun. Let him learn the right way to do things. Let him earn your pride by exemplifying the attributes of a great kid, not cause he crushed his enemy. Whatever you do, don't be that guy.