You're a JCKSS

I always find it amusing when people start talking about getting tattoos. Invariably there's someone nearby who wants to give you advice about what you should or shouldn't do when considering getting some ink. "Don't get something you'll regret!" Oh no? I thought for sure the intent of a tattoo was to permanently scar my body with something that is only relevant for the very moment I was getting it done. Damn the future I say, put Wiley Coyote on my back with an Acme M-16 blowing away the Road Runner, and make it as big as possible. People will laugh when they see it, but not a great long term tattoo.

One of the pieces of advice I've often heard is "Pick something out, and in a year if you still want it, then go ahead and get it." This sounds like a great idea, but I still think it's a bit silly. Having an idea now and agreeing with it in a year is not nearly the same as having it on your body for that time. Here's my advice: Pick something out, sleep on it for a little while and ask some of your friends what they think. Don't pick your polite friends, because they won't save you any future embarrassment. Go straight to your biggest asshole friend, he'll tell you if you're about to make a mistake.

But the point of this post is not really tattoos. I think what's far worse then a tattoo is a vanity license plate. People appear to go into the vanity plate market with little to no thought about the message they're sending out, or the long term ramifications. You know who sees my tattoos? My wife, my kids, and occasionally some people at a friend's pool party. The vanity plate is seen constantly by people who immediately make a decision about what kind of person you are based on some clever short version of a phrase or nickname.

The reason I'm so annoyed by this right now is because I drove behind this woman today, late thirties, bleached blond hair in need of redo driving a 8 year old hyundai accent. Her plate: BBDOLL. Babydoll? That's what you want advertised everytime you leave the house? Who gave you this nickname, and how long ago? I can only imagine this lady 20 years ago in the DMV saying "Is DCHBG available? No...ummm...ok, well Billy Bob calls me babydoll, how about BBDOLL?" Now Billy Bob is gone, you're not the little hoodsie that ordered that stupid plate and you're too lazy to go back and get rid of it. And I guarantee she's telling people to think about their tattoo before they get it.

A couple other gems I've noticed recently. RDSXFN. Although I've come up with various clever alternatives for this one, it's Red Sox Fan....in Massachusetts. In case you're not familiar with the state of MA, everyone is a Red Sox fan, and if they're not, they won't admit it. But this guy is the fan. So much so, he needs to advertise it with his vowelless announcement of loyalty. Not only is this plate a waste of money, it's poorly allocated money. We can get perfectly nice Red Sox plates with a nice logo, vowels and all, and money goes to the Dana Farber Institute, a far better decision.

Lastly: BATMBL. I'm sure this guy picked up this sweet plate right after he bought his jet black mustang. Driving around like a badass, sporting the batmobile plate, the envy of males everywhere as he performs brake stands at the lights. You wish you could be as cool as this guy. Except now he's driving a minivan, and it's not even black. I keep thinking he's waiting for his new plates, SCCRMM, but probably not. It's seems more viable that after he gets one child into the car seat and moves around to the other side to put another in, he catches a glimpse of the batmobile plate and reminisces about his days cruising revere beach with the bass at ten.

So you decide what's worse, a tattoo that you like but show only when you want, or a ridiculous vanity plate that makes everyone think you're an DCKHD.